Ocean Friendly Swimwear

This post is for all my beach babes who love to body surf, break out the wet suit, get tossled by the waves, basically my mermaids.

I love when influencers do cute swimwear try-ons, but how often does your ruffle swimsuit top see the water? Does it last years and years if I pay $110 for it and then drench it in salt water for 3 months?

I have gone through many swimsuits over my years and I think I have it down to a science what the perfect ocean friendly swimwear is.

FIRST the swimsuit must fit the following criteria:

• Straps (a no brainer)
• Very secure in the boobs
• No fancy straps or cut outs (so we don’t get all tangled)
• no loose bottoms

In my opinion, it really doesn’t matter much more than that! The main thing is that this thing is staying on your body no matter what. I do love brands that sell rash guards and more full coverage tops along with other types of tops as well so you can get everything you need in one place, but it’s not a necessity. Now with that, here are some barnds I recommend considering for your summer swimwear!

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Mint Swim

This is a small, black owned swim brand started by Draya Howard. This brand has some very good classic swimwear and its SUPER SIZE INCLUSIVE which we love here! Their sets are very affordable as well! This SERENA set would definitely be a go-to of mine, but they also have great one pieces and TONS of sexy bikinis!

OHOY Swim

OHOY is owned by two scandinavian boss babes who make eco-friendly swimwear! Their Econyl swimwear is great for the environment and looks absolutely stunning. Their line is more expensive, plus you have to pay to ship it overseas, but I really think their bikinis stand the test of time. This MARRAKECH bikini set is one of my favorites of theirs because it’s more full-coverage and looks gorgeous on all body types.

Xhale Swim

Xhale swim is designed and owned by Jessica Wong. They’re made in Miami, Florida and each piece is one of a kind! They do make luxury swimwear so be prepared to pay higher price, but they run great sales that make it much more affordable! Their brand is also designed more for curvey women which I always need. This sweetheart set is perfect for getting in in the water, while also staying sexy and comfortable!

Elysiian

This is a brand I actually found on TikTok. They’re a small brand based out of LA and the owners hand make all of the swimwear! Almost all of their pieces seem super secure, but I have not purchased any yet. I also love that it’s supporting small makers who make high quality pieces! This Catalina bikini has had my eye on it for months now! It’s more a more expensive brand, but support small makers! It’s worth every penny!

Aerie

Now Aerie is a ride or die brand for me. They’re very size inclusive and super affordable. They’re not the least bit eco-friendly, but we can’t all be perfect. They have all sorts of ranges of bikinis and you can save lots of coin with them as well if you sign up for Rakuten as well! They’re a really great affordable option. Period.

OFFURE

This companies patterns are EVERYTHING! This is another black owned swim line that absolutely kills the swimwear game! They focus a lot on african patterns and they make tons of matching sets. They also have a large range of sizes and styles as well for all body types! I am obsessed with this IMO one piece for surfing and boogie boarding. The zipper in the front makes it super easy to get on and off and the long sleeves and full one-piece will protect you from rub rash!

Davy J

This eco-friendly brand is actually a new found brand for me. They say their swim is specifically made for people who spend their time in the water (thats me!). They also use Econyl yarn made from recycled nylon, which means much more pricey, but super good for the environment! I don’t personally own any of these because they are very much out of my price range, but I love what this brand does and what they stand for. I understand the price.

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If you have any swimwear lines you love that I should check out make sure to let me know in the comments! I hope you find some great suits from these companies because they’re all great brands and deserve your support and you’ll be lookin super sexy and staying secure this summer in the water.

Cheers everybody!

My Home Gardening Pro Tips

Now, when I say pro, I mean take this with a grain of salt, but I do think I know more than the average joe. This summer is the third summer I am growing my own vegetables. I started growing my own plants one summer when I was working on an entomology team studying organic pest control methods. I learned so so much about agriculture that summer that it sparked something in me that I had never known I was so passionate about and my garden obsession was born!

Since then I’ve learned so much about our food supply chain, GMO’s, farming culture, but today we’re just going to stick to talking about your home garden. Even though home gardens are small, they can be just as tricky as big scale farming. These are my tips and tricks for growing the best home garden you’ve ever had!

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1. Grow what you need

The first step to growing an amazing garden is planning what you want to grow. I do this by first writing down everything I would normally eat that I could grow (don’t be intimidated if this list is long). Once the list is complete, look up how hard it is to grow some of the things you love to eat. For example, tomatoes are pretty simple, but can be high maintenance. Potatoes and leafy greens are SUPER EASY! Herbs can get complicated. Vine vegtables are super easy, berries are never a good place to start….

Now pick what you know you and your family can eat. If you’re a family of 1-2, I would pick maybe 5-6 things, unless you REALLY eat a lot of vegetables and fruits.3-4 you can pick maybe 7-10 things.

2. Pots or Planter

Now you have to decide how you want to plant your garden. I live in a rental property with a small outdoor space so my entire garden is in pots of some kind. If you don’t want to plant directly in the ground that’s fine, but I recommend a raised planter box if you have deer/pests.

3. Soil, not dirt

I would say soil conditions are 3/4 of the battle with growing anything. Soil can be so weird and especially on the east coast, your soil is usually clay or sand based, which both suck. Even if you want to plant your garden in your backyard, I would get some good organic vegetable soil to put down first. If you have compost, mix about 1 part of compost with 3 parts soil for anywhere your planting. If you don’t have it, I would either buy garden specific soil or get potting mix and buy a vegetable/garden fertalizer to add to the potting mix. This will not only help your plants grow bigger and stronger, but also a little faster.

4. Know what you’re capable of

When I say this, I basically mean seeds or plants? Do you want to be patient and start your plants from seed or just buy the starter plants? It’s up to you! If this is your first go at gardening, I would go with the starter plants. If you like a little bit of a challenge and are willing to wait till a little later in the season to get the fruits of your labor, then try the seeds! I will warn you, I hate starting herbs from seeds so just buy those as starter plants!

With seeds, you will also have to start them in smaller planters inside. I grow my transplants in old yogurt cups that I poked holes in and I get my seeds from Seed Savers (a great small business).

5. Plant based off water and sun needs

Plants need full sun, partial sun, wet soil, damp soil, well drained soil, etc. To make your life easier, plant like with like. If you have herbs that all need full sun and your tomatoes need full sun, then plant them all in the same area/pot. If you are planting mint let him be by himself (he will murder all your other plants/herbs). Don’t be afraid to section off your garden with flowers to bring pollinators into the area as well!

If you’re doing your garden in pots, plant based off spacing so you’re not overcrowding your pots. In my experience, 2 types of plants per pot is plenty!

6. Quality over quantity

I personally believe organic is the way to go, but you can grow however your heart desires! Just remember the more you take care of your plants, the more they’ll produce for you. Remember to water them, fertilize them if necessary, and keep pests off them as needed (linking my natural pesticide spray)

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Remember to give yourself grace when first starting out. I have killed tons of plants and I have grown lots of beautiful ones. You’ll have bumps in the road, but hopefully this will help you avoid some!

Cheers!

All my favorite gardening products linked here!

http://liketk.it/2OdQ3

Earth Day 2020

Earth day is everyday for me. As a conservation scientist, I constantly have the state of the planet on my mind. I know we all look at the planet we live on differently. We appreciate different aspects of the planet and we do different things to contribute to the health of the environment.

Today is the 50th celebration of Earth day as a national holiday and in honor of this, I’m going to be sharing 50 (yes 50!) things you can do to help the enviroment and protect this beautiful Earth we live on!

1. buy groceries with less packaging
2. don’t put your produce in produce bags at the grocery store
3. bring your own reusable grocery bags
4. reusable water bottle
5. store your leftovers in glass containers
6. use reusable beeswax cling wrap
7. metal straws
8. reusable silicone storage bags instead of Ziplocks
9. buy food from your local farmers markets
10. buy food that is in season in your area
11. cut red meat out of your diet
12. substitute one meal a week for a vegetarian meal
13. use as little electricity as possible
14. properly recycle your batteries and ink cartridges
15. buy from thrift stores
16. donate your torn/non useful clothes to a textile recycler
17. always donate old, quality clothes
18. buy clothes on poshmark
19. buy from sustainable clothing brands
20. don’t buy greenwashed products
21. try to buy organic as much as possible
22. grow your own veggies/fruits
23. buy clean beauty products
24. don’t use plastic based floss or toothpaste
25. buy containerless beauty products (like shampoo bars!)
26. use natural material toothbrushes
27. try to unclog your drain manually before dumping chemicals down it
28. use natural cleaning supplies
29. buy compostable cleaning wipes
30. use rags instead of paper towels and just wash them
31. use public transport as much as possible
32. walk places as much as possible
33. bring your own cup to get coffee
34. travel less on planes
35. consume less dairy
36. get books from the library instead of buying them everytime
37. compost your uneaten food
38. collect rainwater to water your plants
39. stop using K-cups and get a reusable one
40. dye our stained, old clothes so you can keep wearing them
41. use less water from your faucets
42. hang your clothes to dry
43. meal plan to reduce food waste
44. donate to a food kitchen
45. can/freeze food (especially if you grew or bought too much)
46. go paperless for your bank, credit card, insurance, bills, etc
47. pick up trash outside (yes the stuff that’s not yours)
48. recycle your plastic bags from the store
49. use energy efficent light bulbs
50. properly recycle your old cell phones and chargers

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I was actually kind of shocked how easy it was for me to think of 50 things, but honestly it took a long time for me to learn many of these. My advice to you guys on this Earth day is do what you can, learn as much as you can, and be mindful that we only get one lifetime on this one planet. We need to make the best decisions possible for us and generations to come.

Cheers.

Things 2 Weeks of Quarantine Has Taught Me

I have officially been in self quarantine for 17 days now. During this time, a lot has changed in my life yet sometimes I feel like not much has changed. Going through these times has taught me some serious lessons and I thought I would share them with you guys!

Before I get into what I have learned so far, I just want to say I expect to learn much more with the time to come. We are in some strange times now and in my professional opinion, we will be in this situation for much much longer. I hope to post another one of these later down the line, but this is just what’s been going on in the initial shock of this.

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1. Everyone’s situation is different. Don’t try to understand it

This is something I always try to be mindful of when looking into the world. It can be so easy to jump to judgment (which I am so so guilty of) when we forget that no one looks at the world the exact same way we do. That same concept applies to this pandemic. No two people are going to react the same or understand the same. This is much more confusing to the average person than it is to a medical professional. It is much scarier for people who have lost their jobs or have to try to find food they can buy on their WIC checks. We have to be understanding even if we believe people are putting themselves at risk.

Yes sometimes people are just ignorant to the situation, but some people are just trying their best. We don’t need to justify why people act the way they act or do the things they do during this time. All you can control is the way you understand this, the way you act about it, and how you can move forward in this time.

2. People will believe whatever they need to believe in that moment

This has been the thing I have seen the most both within my personal and my professional life since the pandemic started. I’ll be the first to admit that I judge the people who don’t take this seriously or who don’t take the proper precautions during this time. Like I said before, some people don’t have the resources to understand, but some people just genuinely see this as the world’s biggest inconvenience to them!

If you want to believe this will end soon, you will believe it. If you want to believe this will end your business, it will. If you want to believe this will bring you and your partner closer, it will. You will never change someone’s mind, but you can help change their mindset. I hate seeing people looking at this as an inconvenience or a life ending event. Yes, it is a horrible time, but we can only do our part to help control the spread and otherwise all we can do is try to look at the good in this situation, stay positive, and work our butts off to get through this. If you want to believe otherwise, you will.

3. A little kindness goes a long way

I’ve noticed so much that the little things bring the biggest joy during this time. I’ve been running a lot around my neighborhood in the mornings during this and I always try to say hello to my neighbors. Now, my neighborhood is not particularly nice people usually. No one normally talks to each other or plans things together, but now I see everyone smile at me as I run and say hello. One man even see’s me everyday I run (I run at the same time every other day) and cheers me on! Giving a helping hand or just a smile makes all the difference during this time.

4. A schedule will keep you sane

I am a very schedule oriented person. I honestly think a schedule runs my life, but when this hit I felt like my life got flipped upside down *cue fresh prince song*. For a week I didn’t know what to do and I felt lost and all over the place. Then I sat down and wrote out a schedule for myself every week (I usually do this on sundays for the following week). I put a new daily routine into place that I could follow that was similar to what I had before the quarantine, but modified for my no commute no more life. Instead of getting up at 5:30 everyday, I get up at 6. I still exercise in the morning, I do my daily gratitude practice (which I have stuck with for 6 months now) and I start work by 8:30. It keeps me happy and on track to make the most of my days.

5. Clean space, less anxiety

I’m sure there’s some scientific thing behind this and maybe this isn’t for everyone, but when my space is clean my anxiety drops. I have to have the room I’m working in be extra clean to make sure I can focus and not be stressed about cleaning up the mess. Just keeping the house clean will help you with your sanity. I know a lot of people have been binge cleaning or organizing and I think it’s because we have to spend so much time in our houses finally that we realize how much it contributes to our sanity that our spices look nice 😂I have not organized yet. I did deep clean my washing machine, but just try to make 10-30 mins a day to clean up your space. It will make your days a little less hectic.

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I’m sure once this whole thing is over, I will have a lot more to say or maybe not, who knows! All I know is that I hope you guys are staying safe, staying home, and staying healthy!

Cheers!

How gaining 50 pounds made me appreciate my body

I’ve been thinking about writing this blog post for awhile, but I haven’t because honestly I didn’t think anyone would read it. Well now we’re in quarantine and it’s my blog so I can do what I want (but I hope you like it).

So as many of you know, I used to be a skinny little mini. 5 years ago, little baby Clark was just going into college and weighed a wopping 155 pounds standing 5’8” tall. I was very healthy and athletic and transitioning into college, but I also feel the need to mention that I lost about 15 pounds before I got into college because I went through a toxic breakup and coped with it by not eating much at all.

^^Das me home during my freshman year of college and my baby Colbi who is very old right now^^^

Now, I weigh about 200 pounds. I recently lost almost 20 pounds too. I gained all this weight over the span of 2 years. A lot of it was from stress eating from anxiety I was facing in college. My answer to a lot of things during my last 2 years of college was “Who cares?”. I didn’t feel like cooking? Who cares? I didn’t feel like working out? Who cares? I want to binge drink at home because I’m sad? Absolutely. I stopped working out as much and boom! There I was, graduating college at 220 pounds.

I don’t look much different from that photo almost a year ago (wow I can’t believe it’s been a year) and honestly, I’m not upset about it at all. I look back at that girl in the top photo and think holy cow you have no idea what your life is about to be like. I’m sitting here tearing up just thinking about it.

Gaining all this weight wasn’t helpful with the sadness and stress I was dealing with in my life. When I was graduating, I finally had the space to look at myself in the mirror and be like wow…. who are you? My body was so foreign to me and I was in the worst shape I had ever been in. I know I wasn’t at an unhealthy weight or obese by any means, I just had never been so unhealthy before. I was so weak and tired. I didn’t even know how to deal with this body and I felt so defeated.

I expected to graduate and spend the summer lounging on the beaches and looking hot and feeling amazing. Little did I know I would go to Hawaii and not fit into most of the clothes I had to pack. I didn’t know how exhausting it would be to go on a hike. I didn’t realize how uncomfortable I would feel in bathing suits.

Fast forward a few months, I have started my first adult job that I hate and I moved to city where I know no one but my boyfriend who is depressed and unemployed. My savings are dwindling trying to support us and not much has changed in our lives since graduating except a little more chaos. It was at this point something clicked inside of me that said, “WAKE YO ASS UP!” (If you don’t know this TikTok reference please get the app for the love of God it’s great).

I finally had the reality check that my life was passing me by. This time I was supposed to spend living my best life was being spent with me being lazy, self demeaning, and toxic. I worked hard to get healthy. I started reading again, I tried to get to the gym more, I started journaling, I started drawing more, I just did all the things I knew would make me feel good. It was crazy how from October to January I had become a whole new person.

Even just in a few short weeks, I saw how much I loved this new body I had been given (The 220 pound one). Today, I am down 20 pounds since the beginning of the new year, but the only reason I know that is because I’ve checked my weight twice. My goal is not to get back to 18 year old me! My goal is to grow into 23 year old me. That body back then was kept that way through hours of working out that I do not have anymore. That body did not have the hormones I have now that I’m older. That body hadn’t seen the horrible mess that would be older her. This body that I have now is so much better. It is curvy, it is healthy, it is strong, it is so so so smart, it is happy.

The body I have may look fat to a lot of the outside world, but this body is training for a half marathon. This girl is running several businesses. This mind practices gratitude and loves to draw and journal. These eyes have read more books in 3 months than they did in the last 3 years. My body now is not a size 6, but it is so beautiful as a size 14. It is so strong. It has seen some shit and it’s still going.

I am so grateful that I found out that I was worth working on. I work on my body not because I’m trying to get skinny. I keep doing this because I know I can and I should! You are the only person making excuses for why you aren’t doing it. It’s going to be hard, that is a given, but what will be harder? Being miserable or working on yourself?

-Cheers

Quarantine Self Care

With all of us stuck at home, I think a lot of us are adjusting to missing our scheduled appointments and regular self care. I don’t have many regular weekly appointments or outside self care at all (mainly because I’m a budget freak) so guess what people?! ITS MY TIME TO SHINE!

So lets talk about what is probably most important for you guys to keep up with/ learn how to do from home. First I need y’all to hear this…. YOU DO NOT NEED TO HAVE YOUR NAILS DONE! I know if you’re used to having them done you can feel naked, but it’s unnecessary for you chillin in your house, long nails collect more germs underneath them, and you have to come in close contact with others to get them done so please just let that slide during this time. As many of you know I wear the KISS press on sets most of the time and I have stopped that to avoid germs.

Brows

Brows have become a part of a lot of our identities and most of us are not good at doing them at home (hence why we pay to go get them done). I understand this can feel like panic mode for us, but there are a lot of good ways to do your brows at home! You can always just do them the old fashion way with tweezers and try to stay on top of them everyday so you don’t loose the shape. If you don’t want to do that I recommend home waxing strips. I use the Flamingo face wax strips and I have a story highlight on my instagram on how I use them to do my brows at home. That’s what I’m used to and know best. There are also lots of other ones you can buy on Amazon and get shipped to your house and then watch a Youtube video on how to do them. It’s much easier than you think and if you mess up, no ones going to see you for weeks anyways!

Skincare

With all the stress and possibly a change in environment (aka being home so much) our skin can throw some real fits. My biggest advice is to listen to your skin! My skin has been super dry since we started working from home (I have been home quarantining for 6 days now) and I don’t put on makeup as much as I normally would so my skin is acting all crazy. To cope somedays I am still putting on makeup and designating those days to shoot content or to just make me feel good! On days I don’t wear makeup I got really hard on skincare. A typical amount of skincare for me during this time is….

• Facemask every 4-5 days
• Washing my face twice a day
• Toner
• Serum
• Moisturizer
• Eye cream at night

Exercise

2020 has been my year of fitness, but with the new schedule and my lack of access to a gym I’ve really been struggling. I get worried to run outside because I want to stay away from people as much as possible and a lot of people have been getting outside lately. I would say just try to do your best in your homes. A lot of our local workout studios have gone online or other companies are offering free month subscriptions/free online classes or other things. The internet is filled with all kinds of advice on this right now, but just stay active.

I really believe that moving your body will help to bring you joy. Even just getting outside and walking will help. Just move and get your heart reate up in some way!

Haircare

If you unfortunately had to cancel your hair appointment because of this I don’t have a solution to touch up your roots, but your hairstylist definitely might! I would reach out and see if they have any suggestions on something you could order to your house or do at home until you can make it into a salon. If you are just trying to keep your hair healthy, I recommend getting a good hair mask off amazon. I get the Wella Brilliance Mask and I LOVE it! I also would try and give your hair a break from heat while you’re at home. Try not to style it or wash it so much and let it just be it’s happy, healthy self.

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I hope right now you are all doing your best to stay safe and healthy. I know this is stressful and annoying that we can’t just live our everyday lives, but we have to do what is right for us and our community. I hope this helps make it a little easier for all of us

Cheers

My Struggle with Imposter Syndrome

This has been weighing on my heart lately and I’ve herd many people talk about it, but I think it’s hard for us to admit to it sometimes. For those of you that may have never herd of this before first, it is not a real “syndrome” it’s not medical or anything like that. Imposter syndrome is when you feel like you don’t belong. When you feel you’re too small for the shoes you’re in or aren’t good enough to run with the big dogs.

My imposter syndrome has hit me in many different aspects of my life. It hits me most at my job. I work with some of the smartest people in the world. I work with almost exclusively people who have PhD’s and many years of experience in very specialized fields. Most days I really don’t know how I got hired to the position I have, but I’m grateful everyday that I get to learn from some of the smartest people in this field.

You are not growing and learning if you are the smartest person in the room

-Michael Dell

The problem with this is that I constantly feel like the biggest idiot in the room. I did not do great in college. I struggled through my courses, I got them done and got my degree. I came into this job with minimal lab experience and a positive attitude and some of my coworkers treated me like I was a complete waste of their time. The culture of my work environment is very hostile to begin with (everyone is there for themselves and not there to help you) but it was especially hard when from the get-go I felt inferior to all of them. I’m not saying I measure up to them, but now I feel better about my job. I see the role I play, how I contribute and how smart I actually am.

How did I get to this point? Well… a lot of self pump up and some little wins.

Imposter syndrome can strike in so many ways. I feel it in my fitness journey, I feel it in my body type. I feel it as a private researcher in an industry I am just entering. I feel it as a spouse and as a podcaster. I feel it everyday! Does that stop me from exercising, showing off my curves, doing the work I love, or writing these blog posts? HELL NO!!!!!

There is no one out there telling me I don’t belong in any of these spaces. I have never once had someone tell me my blog sucks, I am a terrible chemist, that I’m not a hard worker, or anything like that! I am the only person telling myself that I don’t belong. Even if I did have someone else telling me that I don’t belong, unless it is someone who I deeply care about their opinion (which is approximately 5 people in my life), I would not let that stop me.

We talk ourselves out of so many things because we don’t believe we are capable of them, yet we never go out and try them! If we’re not monumentally successful we don’t see it as success! You have to love the small wins. The small wins will keep you going when the negative self talk comes up. You’ll think back to the time your best friend told you how smokin’ hot you are, the time someone told you how amazing the work you’re doing is, or how proud they are of you for following your dreams.

Putting yourself out there is hard, especially if you’re around the same age as me. I get told all the time that I “don’t know anything yet”, which is true. I don’t have the same life experience as anyone older than me, but even my grandmother could have felt imposter syndrome. We all get scared, we all feel not good enough at some point and that’s okay!

My advice is to give yourself grace, remind yourself of the small wins, and keep on going. I know on the days I suffer with this I feel so terrible, but I keep going and it got me from an Etsy store to a blog to college degree to a podcast and to a business. I hope it takes you to your dreams too.

Cheers!

My Favorite Relationship Advice

I may not be very old, but I consider myself moderately wise. I pride myself on always reaching for a better relationship, not just with John, but with anyone I have a relationship with. With it being Valentines day, I decided I would share some of the best advice I have gained over the years on how to improve the relationships in your life.

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You have to show up for yourself before you can show up for others

This is my most important advice I can give. I try to tell people this all the time and so many people just don’t get it. Especially when it comes to a romantic relationship, you are not together to make the other person whole. You are not the yin to the yang. You can be very different people and be in a thriving relationship, but you do not add anything to the other person.

Relationships are about two people going on a journey together. Before you start that journey, you both have to be whole, individual people. What I mean by this is you have to accept yourself for who you are, know who you are, and know what you stand for. So many people get into a relationship and hope that the other person will give them something they don’t have. This is unhealthy and it’s called codependence.

Have your own likes, interests, loves, fears, hobbies, friends, and share those with your partner. Engage in each others lives and live them alongside one another with so much love. If you don’t know who you are, how is your partner supposed to know for you?

Understand the people you are in a relationship with DEEPLY

Something I have done in the last year that has really helped me understand my personal relationships is trying to figure out the people I am close with on a deeper level. For example, I know almost every single one of my friends and families enneagram number, tendency, and love language. (If you don’t know what these are just DM me)

I know how they want me to express love to them, how I should apologize to them, why they react to the same situation differently than I do. It helps me connect with them more. It helps me understand that they are different than me. They have different needs than me and I can show up for them accordingly.

The deeper you understand the important people in your life, the happier you will be and the happier they will be in a relationship with you. If they are an especially good partner, they will do the same for you.

Make the effort and show up well

This one is tricky for me to discuss because I genuinely believe there is a fine line you have to walk with this one. This advice can get ugly and cause a lot of resentment in relationships. For example, you have a friend or family member who will keep in touch, makes plans with you, remembers your birthday, etc. Thats great! They make the effort and it shows very much! The problem is they don’t show up well. They flake on plans. They’re on their phone at dinner with you. They’re not interested in talking about you, only about themselves. They are not showing up well for you.

I absolutely can’t stand this and it’s something I discovered a few years ago that helped me cut a lot of people out of my life. People who show up well and put in the effort do not have to show up often. They just have to show up in the best way.

A positive example of this can show up in any relationship whether it be a spouse, a family member, or a friend. Friends who you don’t see much, but they make the trip to see you and want to get dinner and talk for hours and hear about your new job and your new cat you got! Family who you only see at holidays, but they give you such a thoughtful gift and give you the biggest, genuine hug and tell you how much they miss seeing you, but are happy they get this chance. A partner who works long hours, but makes sure to sit with you at the dinner table and ask about your day and helps clean up the dishes, even if it’s the only 20 minutes you see them everyday.

You can’t just make the effort. You have to make the effort, and show up well. One without the other is never enough.

Express Empathy

Look, we all go through tough shit in life. We all also have ego that makes us look at other peoples lives with judgment and compare whose life is harder. I understand because I used to think like this all the time.

In a relationship, you need to have overwhelming empathy for the other person; not sympathy, empathy. Sympathy is when you feel sorry for someone else. Empathy is when you put yourself in someone else’s shoes. By putting yourself in their situation, you can understand why they don’t ever text you, why they spend all their time with their boyfriend and not you, why they never help you with the chores.

When you step back and look through the other persons perspective, it makes a lot more things understandable than a problem worth fighting about. Romans 12:15 says, “Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep.” Even if the person who is weeping is weeping about how they spilt diet coke in their limited edition Louis Vuitton bag and you know they’ll get a new one tomorrow, just remember they are still upset that they ruined something they didn’t want to ruin and they probably feel really bad about it. Meanwhile my biggest problem is the purse I’ve used for 9 year finally has a hole large enough my things fall out of it…. you get my point.

Always work to do better

We are all bound to make mistakes. We are not perfect. We are not even moderately close to getting through life (at least I’m not. I like to think I’m not alone). If you are not striving to always be a better partner, friend, sister, daughter, coworker, boss, or whatever, you will never grow and have exceptional relationships.

If you are always looking at the other person as the problem, you are never going to have a good relationship. Remember that you can always do better, that sorry isn’t enough, and you need to always work to grow, improve, and be the best you can be.

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In the last year, being more aware of these things has improved my relationships all around. I am closer with my close friends, I cut people out of my life who were not showing up well for me, I have a partner who I absolutely adore and pursue everyday, and I love and appreciate my family more than anything in the world.

Even though today is Valentine’s Day, show the people you love that you love them everyday. Always remember that they could not be here tomorrow and if they weren’t would you be happy with the way you showed up for them?

Cheers.

NYFW Dupes Fall/Winter 2020

Every year New York Fashion week happens in the spring and in the fall. I always love seeing people push the limits of fashion and try new things. I also love keeping up with the shows to see what new designs and trends designers are bringing into the new seasons.

In all honestly, I do not over the shows in depth. I see lots of my friends cover the shows and it seems so hectic and chaotic I don’t know if I could ever do it in person, but I love to follow along online.

This year I saw A LOT of different trends. I think designers are starting to try and bring subtle things in that make an outfit different and really stand out like accessories or interesting cuts of fabric. Some of the trends that caught my attention this season are…

• LOTS of texture
• pinstripes/plaid
• Suited Up! (lots of suits and wide pants)
• Long skirts
• oversized style
• belted waists
• bright colors (specifically lots of pinks, reds and blues)
• Belted waists (a lot with the suit style)
• Interesting necklines

In my last post, I discovered that the LiketoKnowit app does not work on my hosting platform.. go figure… so I will be putting a link to all of the dupes I have found for you guys!

I tried to stick with affordable brands (much more affordable that the designer pieces at NYFW) and also brands that are conscious/environmentally friendly. Definitly check out all the good things I found and stock up to look AMAZING this spring season!

Cheers!

NYFW Pants,Skirts, and bags Dupes

NYFW Tops/Jumpsuits/Dresses